Manicgame's Emporium Of Unwanted Opinions

Among the English language / common usage these days, a few phrases have managed to linger in people’s minds, often used in ironic or bad situations to try to add  comedic value. Below are phrases that are overused, annoying, and generally will get you cut if you ever see me in the streets and you use them.

1. “Surreal.” – “Oh my God! I never would have made this show if I hadn’t slept with the producer, it’s so surreal!” You get the point.
2. “Very Nice!” – Borat wasn’t funny to begin with.
3. “High Five!” – Again, Borat wasn’t funny.
4. “Story Of My Life.” – Oh boo fuckity hoo. You’re life is so sad and pathetic you want people to pity you. No thanks. Get over yourself.
5. “That’s Gonna Leave A Mark!” – Disney is the #1 abuser of this phrase. Nearly every movie targeted toward children / immature adults uses this phrase. I’m pretty sure crashing into a guard rail doing 90 would leave a mark, but why would I state the obvious?
6. “I Have Children At Home!” – So what the hell are you doing here? Get home you irresponsible parent before I call Child Youth Services!
7. “You Know?” – Yes, I do know. I know that you’re an obvious prick who belittles everyone else thinking your intelligence is superior. Egotistical bastard.
8. “That’s What She Said!” – Really? She also said that your mother was a whore, your father was a drunk who left you when you were 2, and that she has herpes. Care to hear more?
9. “Think Outside The Box.” – No thanks. I don’t see the reason to. Why re-invent the wheel?
10. “What Would Jesus Do?” – I don’t know, probably help me out, but he has yet to return. So shut up.
11. “Your Mom!” – What about her?
12. “Your Mom Goes To College!” – Yes, she does. Thanks for caring, though. Oh, Napoleon Dynamite was a shitty movie  also.
13. “Fuck My Life.” – You’re right, there is a nice new toaster that I put in the bathroom for you, do yourself a favor and drop it on in, I hear it heats up water quite nicely.
14. “My Mom Is Dead.” – This remark is often said as a way of making the other person feel like utter shit.  Why would you joke about that? I hope when you go home your mother really is dead, that way you feel like shit.
15. “You Complete Me.” – Based on another shitty movie.

Meh, I refuse to go on.

It’s always funny how people adapt their own words to things. I myself do it sometimes, but I find it annoying whenever these new terms reach further than your home. I’m talking about using them in mainstream society, and online.

The internet has a long history of mentally incapable people, starting from Al Gore claiming he invented it, to the very idiots that plague 4chan (which is the hell hole of he internet).

I decided to rant about the iPod Touch. No, not it’s lack of customization without jailbreaking it, I’m talking about the way people refer to it. Often times when browsing Apple’s non-useful forums, I see people referring to it as the “iTouch”. Apparently, it’s fine to call the iPhone, the “iPhone”. It just proves how lazy people are to type out “iPod Touch”.  That’s another thing that’s wrong with this world. People who can’t take the time to spell out words. People who use “u, ur, urself, lol, xD, l8, m8 (Brits & Aussies), etc.” are often too lazy and too pathetically stupid to type out the full word. First off, the “iTouch” sounds dirty. We’ve all got a smidgen of dirty mind, and calling the iPod Touch the iTouch is as stupid as naming something the iPad, which sounds like a female product. Oh wait…

Regardless, I find it annoying about the lack of effort people put into things today. Saying, “oh we speak this way to save room in our texts” is a load of shit. Why do people text? How hard is it to put a phone to your ear and say a few words? People who text often make up excuses for why they do it. Whenever they want to be “quiet”, it often ends up being quite the opposite. I don’t want to hear your shitty ringtone go off everytime someone says “lol”, and I don’t want to hear you clicking your damn keyboard. Ah, ringtones, another thing I find annoying. I very rarely type in caps, but here goes. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR SHITTY SOUNDING RINGTONE. IT ALL SOUNDS LIKE GARBLED BULLSHIT. Same goes for videos, why must EVERYONE insist on screaming when they are being recorded? It’s a microphone and camera, it amplifies your voice. Keep your damn volume down. Back on the texting subject, I hate when you’re talking with someone, and then they just pull up their phone, and start texting. They ignore you, then are confused whenever you are talking about something they weren’t paying attention to. Don’t be rude, your bastard.

Oh wow. I massively went off topic. Any forum I visited would have probably either locked or deleted the topic right now. Regardless, it’s pretty obvious I hate new trends.

A bit ago Haiti got hit by a pretty strong earthquake. Naturally, one f eels bad whenever hundreds of people die and have their lives destroyed. I can understand this, and even though I felt bad, I’m already getting sick of hearing about it.

Natural disaster and any other type of catastrophic event always leads to a bit of egotistical nonsense. Last year 3 cops in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania were murdered by a man who holed himself up inside his home, and shot intruders. Yes, it was sad, but people are STILL going on about the “Fallen Heroes”. What annoys me, is the fact that people can’t let matters drop. There are still people going on about Hurricane Katrina, and that was 5 years ago. I have no problems with people setting up charities and such, but to keep going on about it irritates the hell out of people.

People always say you shouldn’t dwell on things, but that’s always the case with any type of disaster. Look at September 11th, sure we have one day we pay tribute to the people who died and such, but we don’t go on about it every 3 days in the news.

Anyway, my train of thought has derailed for the past 5 minutes, back on topic. Haiti, right. Anyway, Haiti got hit by an earthquake, many people died, and so on. Not 4 hours after it happened, a charity site was started. If you Google “Haiti” right now, you would get thousands of results about the earthquake, and donation information. Nothing wrong with spreading the word, right? Wrong. When one event interferes with another event, that’s when it becomes annoying. There is other news, other stories to report, yet I ALWAYS hear about Haiti now.

Now, I know I might come off sounding like a emotionless person, a heartless bastard, and so on, but the fact of the matter is, they are getting relief out of  the ass, so why are we still going on about it? We’ve done all we could possibly do, that’s it, it’s not as if we can airlift all the people of Haiti to another country, or can somehow make things all better. Reporting on it isn’t going to make any lives better. I can see having a little ticker at the bottom of the news station with news about it, but  devoting an hour to talk about Haiti, that’s a bit much.

The problem with modern media is that they keep beating a dead horse. I still hear people going on about Hurricane Katrina, Virginia Tech, and so on. Once the media gets wind of a story, it’s all downhill from there. Every news station in every nation attacks a story to death, to the point where one says, “I just don’t care anymore.”.

This is why when I run a country one day (more than likely to not happen), I will make sure a news station may only, and I repeat ONLY play a story 2 times. That’s it. Anymore is overkill.

This is quite possibly one of my biggest rants against one of the *formerly* good pieces of the internet, that has gone down the shithole.

YouTube used to be a place where one could express their own form of art, and now it’s become a place filled with some of the most God-awful shit ever created, much like 4chan’s /b/, only in video form.

There are many things wrong with YouTube, so I decided to go with my preferred method of explaining points, list  style. Here’s what’s wrong:

• Google turned YouTube into a shitpile. Google might have saved YouTube, but if it was going to die, I would rather it fade into history than be taken over by a company who solely cares about advertising.
• There is no such thing anymore as “creativity”. Nobody does their own things anymore, it’s all one big copycat. And those who do have a smidgen of creativity are ridiculed.
• I’m sick of hearing “Let The Bodies Hit The Floor”. Anyone who makes a non-descript video with literally no fulfilling content in it uses this overrated, and irritating song.
• “Video Annotations” are a nice way of saying, “I couldn’t be bothered to use Windows Movie Maker, so instead I decided to spam the whole video with subscribe links.”
• Song verification is a load of bullshit. Just because the Recording Assholes Of America are pissed because they aren’t making much money as they used to, doesn’t mean we should have to wait 6 hours for our videos to be certified to use the song, and if they don’t know what the song is, they don’t allow audio.
• Watching ads before videos is crap. It’s not bad enough that Google put them all over the place on the main site, NOW they are in 15-30 seconds before the videos.
• They refuse to do anything about spam. I hate when I get messages from people saying “~~~Look at my hot webcamz!~~~”, and so on.
• Most people on it are dumb, inbreeding people who lack the mental capacity to produce anything decent.
• Comments made usually include, “What song is that?”, “YOUR HOT”, and many other types  of comments, mainly being insulting ones.
• Stop removing clips over a copyright claim. Sure, you may own the content, and nobody is stripping that from you. Most of the clips have the watermark of the owning company, so stop bitching. One of the main reasons why YouTube did so well, was simply due to the fact that it was accessible to people who wanted to watch clips. Now Fox, and Viacom have ruined everything.
• Get rid of people uploading soft core porn. All the clips are is of the beginning clips of real porn videos, not cool. Either go full, or don’t got at all.
• Remove all the dupes of videos. Nobody likes seeing the same thing 600 times.
• Multi-part videos suck, allow us to upload at LEAST half hour videos.
• If I have to hear one more person do a shitty voice imitation, I’m going to throw myself off of a window.
• I’m sick of watching remixes. Just because you can loop a quote 12 times in a row, doesn’t mean you should.
• Don’t upload if your video quality is shitty. Putting “sorry about the bad quality” doesn’t fix the wrongs.
• I don’t want to see “INVITES TO LOCKERZ” on every video.
• If you make videos of you destroying shit, you’re an asshole. There are plenty of people who would like some of the shit you’re given, so quit being an ass.
• The “top picks” videos are a bunch of crap. It’s always videos that nobody likes.
• Does subscribing make you get a hard-on? I don’t want to have “plz subscribe” all over the videos. It’s like the worlds biggest spamming competition.

Well, you get the idea.

Normally I stick away from talking about religion, simply because I have my beliefs, and others have other beliefs, and religion is the one thing you should never overstep your boundries on. However, let’s talk about the internet and its relation with religion.

The internet is a vast shithole filled with the most fucked up ideas you’ve ever seen. Along with any topic of discussion, there is always someone who brings up religion. Personally, I could care less what religion you choose. I really could. If you want to worship a corn chip that looks like a celebrity, by all means do so. I have my beliefs, and even though I might disagree I still respect that. The one group I literally hold no respect for, are internet Atheists. Atheists don’t just attack Christianity, they attack Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism. Now, there are some Atheists who choose not to comment on religion, as they like to respect what others believe. I find this fine, but the ones I really despise, are the ones who go from forum to forum, trolling people who mention any sort of religion.

What their common tactic on, is “where is the proof”. They want proof that some kind of God exists. Here’s the thing, where is the proof that they don’t exist? Atheists commonly think that just because it’s not seen, it doesn’t exist. Carbon Monoxide can’t be seen, but it manages to turn people into corpses pretty quick. Let me be the first to establish the fact that Atheism is a religion also. A religion is defined as a group of people following the same principles or agreeing on the same issues. Atheists all believe that religion is a farce, and that everyone is who believes in a religion is an idiot.

Next issue I would like to address on the religion topic, is FSM. FSM is “Flying Spaghetti Monster”. Basically it started with some angry teenager who didn’t like what was being taught at his school, so he made up a religion based on a pot of spaghetti that molests people with noodles. Sounds funny right? There are seriously people who buy into this. What people don’t get, is that it was supposed to be a mocking religion. It wasn’t ever meant to be taken seriously, it was used to explain a point. Now you get people who go around trolling boards talking about a pot of spaghetti that has its own Bible.

Maybe religion should be left out of the internet.

Recently I’ve been hit with loads of comment spam (which is why I’m making comments approved again). Naturally I get sick of having to delete 30-40 comments a day from some spammer.

Spam, if you think about it, is useless. Sure, some people fall for the “you’ve won a prize” nonsense, but after they find out they generally never fall for it again. The problem with spam, is that it’s so unnatural sounding. This applies mainly for forum spam. If you really wanted to get people interested, you wouldn’t post, “dis is a rly nice forum click this link to get free pr0n“, you should instead write, “Hey guys, I came here to learn about [insert genre of the site here], maybe we could do such and such.”

Also, spam is just plain stupid half of the time. People always go in my comments and advertise phones and such, sorry, I’m not going to buy from a company who annoys the shit out of me every time I  check my email. I could literally empty my spam box, and come back two hours later and find at LEAST 600 new emails. My theory is this: The more time you spend on the internet and have accounts, the more spam attacks daily.

Most people who have experience online know what spam is, and it’s fairly easy to detect. Anyone using little known free email services, has a Chinese or Russian IP address, and generally make no sense is normally a spammer.

Also, the content of the spam is what makes me laugh. Viagra and porn. It’s as if all people on the internet are limp, but yet horny and want to watch porn. Spam would be a little more interesting if they actually read the demographics. Viagra has been the blunt end of small-genital jokes for years. Anyone who literally buys the shit (or Cialis), obviously wouldn’t want to buy it off of some cheap Chinese company to begin with. The real shit makes you go blind, so why the hell would I trust a cheap foreign product? They also have a tedious tendency to make the porn ads so out of the ordinary. They have some of the most messed up shit you could ever imagine. I’m not going into detail, but the content of the ads belongs more on a bondage site than anywhere else. Most people are into normal looking people with normal sex, not leather and whips, fetish, piss, and all that.

Needless to say, I’m sick of internet spam. I want some new spam, new material, better ads. I’m sick of Adult Friend Finder and eHarmony trolling the internet. We need something more appealing and better.

Every once in a while, people discover movies that are often funny, but go overboard. That is reasonable, but it becomes annoying when the person literally talks about the movie for six years after, and yet the movie just plain sucks. Below is a list of movies that absolutely suck, that everyone seemed to love.

• Borat – This movie was a fake documentary, that some moron Sasha Baron Cohen or whatever the hell his name is, decided to go around and make it seem like he was talking to real people, but in reality you know they are actors who were told above time. What leads me to believe this, is the fact that NOBODY in their right mind would be allowed to be placed on television (with the exception of criminals), without a release notice. Not to mention, people still run around using quotes from the movie. The movie sucked.
• Napoleon Dynamite – Llama’s, potato bits, and running around saying “GOSH!” all the time isn’t funny. People literally need to move on. When you are still wearing a “Vote for Pedro” shirt, you need help. This movie is about a geeky ginger, who doesn’t care about what people think. Oh, and his Latino friend thinks the same way too.
• 300 – Screaming, senseless murder, and massive holes, this movie’s got it all. All this movie had, in terms of fame, is the fact that it was all chroma keyed (green or blue screen background removing), and the insane yelling of phrases such as, “THIS IS SPARTA”, and “Tonight, we dine in hell!”. The movie itself sucked, people just loved the sayings, which got deeply irritating.
• Avatar – Saw this movie a couple days ago, sucked horribly.
• Superbad – It’s about teens who need to get liquor for a party. How original. Seth Rogan made this movie worse.
• Pineapple Express - Seth Rogan acts like an asshole, again.

This is a two part rant. I hate Seth Rogan. Any movie he plays in, literally ends up on my shit list. I refuse to watch any movies by him, and if I find out he is in a semi-decent movie, I will refuse to watch that movie ever again. He’s not funny, and he needs to go away from the movie industry, because he lacks in any real talent. I feel like I am loosing brain cells whenever I am watching one of his shitty movies. Michael Cera is the same way, he plays the SAME role in every movie. He’s less irritating to listen to, but still, it’s bad.

I will probably add movies over time.

Today I wake up to find two things I dislike. One of them being a fresh coat of snow, which didn’t cause transit problems (it’s not worth it when it doesn’t), and a special Google logo. Google has this unoriginal idea to post a changed logo on certain holidays. That’s fine, by all means, but the fact is it seems like they just make up holidays. Today was a special occasion, Sir Issac Newton’s birthday.

So if any of you don’t know, Newton is the self-proclaimed “father of physics”, simply because he observed an apple falling. Sounds great right? False. It’s a known fact that Newton utilized other scientists theories to make his sound more logical. He added a different clause, changed a few words, and boom, he’s famous. It’s common sense that gravity existed, otherwise we would be floating about by a bunch of morons. This just proves that seventeenth century inhabitants were a bunch of inbreeding morons.

Here are some ideas I thought of, but never  created or patented, but instead another company stole my ideas. And being as I love list format, it’s in a list.

• TiVo (and DVR’s).
• Spoons with holes in them.
• Edgeless lunch meat (who likes pig intestine around their lunch meats?).
• The internet (Al Gore is an asshole).
• The computer.
• SPAM (the canned beef).
• Television.

Needless to say, I am pretty great. Time to sue.